Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
