I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
