I can text with my tongue
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
