Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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