Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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