i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize