I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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