Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
