I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
