I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
