I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
