sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
