I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Help. Why am I so naked?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
