Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need to calm my uterus...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
