Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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