You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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