I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize