i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize