true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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