I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
