now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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