Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
