I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
