im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
