It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
