just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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