Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
