At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
