First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
