We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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