he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
