did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
