Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
