Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
