please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
