im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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