It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
