im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
