I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
