i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
