Betty ford says i'm here all night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
