The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize