The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
