that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
