I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
