Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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