Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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