don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
