She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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