the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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