Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
