This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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