Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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