I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
