well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
