so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
