Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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