My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
