Me. At least after what I've been through.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize