1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
