dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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