i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize