when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
