Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
