summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
