I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
