Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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