How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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