if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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